anyone who has ever said “patience is a virtue” has never met my parents.
how can i be patient when all they, especially my mom, ever do is waste my time and make my life 10x harder than it already is?
also either i really hate myself or i really hate my mom. she listens to her religious TV programming religiously and encourages me to do the same. but whenever i hear anything recited in arabic nowadays, all i want to do is punch somebody in the face.
it’s not that i don’t want to understand what they’re saying (i don’t know arabic). it’s that i don’t care. i don’t care that some arabic script meant for me to dress a certain way, behave a certain way, desire a certain way. in fact i doubt the Qur’an is even speaking to me, a queer muslim woman of color, at ALL.
i’ll respect my mother’s idea of islam but her demanding forced obedience of me is exhausting. how do i translate that to Pashto? how do i maintain patience?
i feel like i have lost the flavor in my life. every time i think i’ve made a decision about where to go next, i think of all the roadblocks ahead of me. all the lying to my family that i will have to do. all the negotiations that i will have to make in order to live authentically me.
when i think of my future, i think of wanting to adopt children with my girlfriend. i think of wanting to buy a house with my girlfriend.
i am often on the verge of tears because it seems impossible in my mind.
i thought that once you leave your parents’ house, things will become easier. in some ways, they have. but they also become difficult in other ways. they are difficult because you feel alone and the anxiety you developed at home has stayed with you, maybe been exacerbated in some ways, and you end up feeling like you can’t reach out to anyone who has been in your situation.
i constantly feel like i’m running out of time. this is a different strain of maddening mind behavior.
maybe it’s grad school. maybe it’s the onset of winter.
i hope it’s not me.
When I first heard about the massacre in Orlando, Florida on Pulse nightclub, I was very triggered. I started crying and staring at the tv screen blankly, telling myself that this wasn’t really happening, was it? Here was I, a young, queer, Afghan-american Muslim woman, standing at the crossroads of identities that are used by the media and the state to fuel their agendas. It was Latin night at Pulse and many of those in attendance were celebrating life, the lives of Latinx people, black and brown bodies filling the building.
After the speculations and rumors emerged that the shooter is an Afghan american man named Omar Mateen – the media made sure to point out that his parents are from Afghanistan – people’s attentions focused on the racist media coverage instead of reflecting on the tragedy of 49 lives lost in a hate-filled attack.
I can’t mourn the deaths of queer people of color publicly, because my Afghan community doesn’t believe we exist. I can’t mourn the deaths of queer people of color publicly, because my American community doesn’t acknowledge our pain. Where can I mourn? Can I mourn? Can we mourn?
His ex-wife says he was mentally ill. We can’t derail the conversation about how we, americans, don’t value the lives of queer people, especially queer people of color. Since the foundation of U.S. empire, queer and trans people of color are assaulted every day, on the streets and in our homes–whether through verbal abuse and/or murder–and the government continually passes laws that criminalize our existence. Where does it say that we value Q/TPOC that we can be shocked by this tragic incident?
Opportunists have taken this moment of mourning and they have bastardized it to fulfill their agenda of repeating racist views, of talking about policy reform, about denying the existence of LGBTQ people in America.
I just want to scream. I need this madness to stop. This hurts so much.
Stop publishing your opinion pieces. Stop taking up so much fucking space and let us mourn.
The US-led war in Afghanistan, begun on October 7, 2001, is now the longest running officially declared war in US history. Do not be fooled by all the talks in recent years of a troop withdrawal and an end to the war, because the freshly appointed US defense secretary, Ashton Carter, has proposed an even slower troop pullout. President Obama’s pledges to “end the war in Afghanistan in 2014” are mostly empty words, but let’s not pin this solely on the US. In fact, let us entirely abolish our US-centric ways of thinking.
The US is not the only one working to the detriment of the Afghan people.
There are Afghans living within the diaspora and within Afghanistan itself, such as the organization Women for Afghan Women (WAW), who are accepting of the current military occupation and indeed are cooperating with military officials. Case in point: WAW paints the narrative in Afghanistan and the plight of women there narrowly and solely in terms of the violence inflicted by the Taliban. At the end of April 2014, their advocacy manager, Parnian Nazary, testified in Washington DC before the Senate’s subcommittee on Near Eastern and South and Central Asian Affairs and asked for greater focus on women’s rights in Afghanistan. Nazary reaffirms the group’s mission statement: “We at Women for Afghan Women believe it’s vital some U.S. led international troops stay in Afghanistan, supporting and training our military while also symbolically assuring the Afghan people they won’t again be abandoned by the international community.”
No mention is made in their official communications of the night raids re-authorized by president Ashraf Ghani or the constant drone attacks (of which we hear very little about anyway, as there is no official record kept of the number of people murdered by such attacks). We do not hear from WAW about the current wars in Balochistan or Waziristan, because to do so would upset the lucrative money-making machine they have set up for themselves in the name of “women’s rights” and“human rights.” Yes, we are also seeing the destruction of Afghanistan and its people by Iranian and Pakistani imperialism. So, if Women for Afghan Women were to complicate the narrative in Afghanistan, this would mean that the violence against Afghan women and children and men, queer/trans Afghan people, and all oppressed Afghan ethnic minorities, comes from other sources in addition to the Taliban. To complicate WAW’s narrative would force its staff to examine their philosophy of a military-friendly feminism and confront the reality of an occupied Afghanistan.
Protecting women, and all oppressed people, does not mean embracing a military occupation. You cannot claim to be fighting for “women’s rights” and then turn around to say that you are not against the military. Tanks, drone attacks, and military occupations will not “save” anyone.
tuesday, march 22, 2016. 6:21 pm.
i’m doing ok.